This is the third time I’ve tried writing down all the reasons I’d rather not be here right now. But each time I write everything out, I hit the same roadblock: all my complaints basically boil down to me being used to a pretty easy, simple kind of life. Complete with all the comforts of a consumerist culture–like being able to order a normal pizza over the phone, with sauce and without corn–but also all the comforts of close family and friends in (relatively) close proximity.
So basically, comfort. I miss knowing what’s going on, easy access to things that I want to do and people I want to see, and, honestly, my independence. When you can’t even talk to your own landlord, you’re not independent. You’re just not.
So yes. I’m a stereotypical, white, middle class, spoiled American. And I miss it.
I miss people and places and familiarity. And right now, I don’t want to be here.
And I say that in the most shallow way possible.
Because of course, I’d rather be here. I wouldn’t trade this year for anything. I just wouldn’t. Too much has happened, too much is going to happen–I wouldn’t change a thing.
(P.S. Living alone is amazing. I never thought I’d love it, much as I love social contact and hugs in general, but it’s really, really grand. I think everyone should at some point.)
(P.S.#2. I’m glad I have friends that can cut out the crap and fluff and just be straight up. Cause I need help with that every once in a while.)
And thank you dearly to everyone who sent me Christmas cards. They made my life a little, and I’ll probably end up taping them all over my boring white walls. And Debra, that necklace is officially my favorite piece of jewelry. Feel free to test out new designs on me as much as you want 😉
You know, I started this blog as a way to lazily keep in touch with people–no need to remember email addresses or trying to set up Skype calls!
But I missing writing actual letters. I think I’ll take an empty notebook with me to Thailand, to hang out with me on the beach. It’s only a month away!
Told you I can’t complain.