I’ll be real. I’m not going to be getting any dates the next couple days. I’ve got puffy eyes, and mascara is illegal for fear of infection.
So with an immense amount of self-confidence, I traipsed into a school full of teenage girls who are known for being kind in judging your appearance. Except the opposite of kind.
The second thing one of my co-teacher’s says to me is, “Without eyeliner, you look tired.”
I skipped the politeness and went straight to forcing a smile with a grim, “Thanks.”
Then I did what all normal people do and posted it on Facebook, complaining about my coworker’s lack of social grace.
Now I’m convinced they’re spying on my every move.
Five minutes later, my head co-teacher said, “You look beautiful!” in the we-know-I’m-lying-but-this-should-make-you-feel-better way that is perfectly socially acceptable in situations where you look like death and everyone knows it.
Then the first teacher amended her remarks with, “You don’t look tired, you just look like a high-schooler–it’s cute! You look cute!”
Of course, she could just have caught onto the tone of my, “Thanks,” but I’m more self-centered than that.
No, they’re clearly just tapping into my keyboard and reading everything I type.
So I’m posting this one from home.
I passed some students on the way home who looked curiously at the sunglasses I’m sporting. As they strolled by, one whispered to the other two, “Lasek,” to a chorus of “Oohhhs.”
The plot thickens…